i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
