You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
