How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
