Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
