apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
