There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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