You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
