I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
