dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
