I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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