He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize