Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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