i need an iv and a liver transplant
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
