It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
there is puke in my bra ... again
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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