brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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