last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
