My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize