i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
