He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
