I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
