now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
