My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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