Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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