About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
