I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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