At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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