I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my being single is dangerous.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
