It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
