sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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