Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
