Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
