I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
