what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
