I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
