fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
