your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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