just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
