let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
