i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
