Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize