I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
