mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
