Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
