Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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