I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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