well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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