i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
