why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
