Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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