VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
