if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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