I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
