I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
