You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
