Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Someone came in the potted fern
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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