you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
