Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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