We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize