I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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