Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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