I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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