We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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