I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We are all done wearing pants today
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
