I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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