Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
