dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Randomize
