Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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