did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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